Best Buddy Beginnings: New Friendships form between Oakes Children’s Center and International High School in San Francisco

By Shelly Helgeson

Nerves were running rampant as everyone prepared to meet their Buddy or Peer Buddy for the first time last Wednesday, November 30^th at Oakes Children’s Center.   It was the first official meeting of the newly formed Best  Buddies chapter at Oakes Children’s Center where high schools students with intellectual or developmental disabilities are matched in one-to-one friendships with high school students who attend the private academic International High School.  

There were a lot of firsts that night: the first time the schools came together, the first time Chapter President, Kelsey Boylan led a meeting of this kind, the first time Buddies met their Peer Buddies, and conversely, the first time Peer Buddies met their Buddies.  However, nerves were quickly quelled when Program Manager, Katelyn Bollenbacher led the group in an icebreaker exercise which had the entire group running and high-fiving each other when she called out interests that students had in common.  It’s interesting how quickly everyone relaxes when they focus on similarities instead of differences in people.

After the icebreaker the Buddies and Peer Buddies found out who their match was to be for the year and sat down to spend some quiet time getting to know each other and playing board games.  This time was really the most rewarding moment for me, the Program Supervisor, who has spent many hours in meetings and writing emails (since last January!!!) in attempts to start a chapter at Oakes Children’s Center and find a suitable school of Peer Buddies to partner with them.  

I watched several of the Buddy Pairs instantly “click” as they talked about what they liked to do in school or during their free time.  One Buddy Pair in particular made me grin from ear-to-ear when he met his Peer Buddy and immediately shouted, “Oh my gosh, that’s so cool! She likes to dance!!!”  His arm was around her by the end of the meeting and I got that warm feeling that usually indicates a meaningful friendship is forming thanks to the hard work not only I, but the student leadership and advisors put into establishing this Best Buddies Chapter.  

My work providing opportunities for friendships for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities in the Bay Area is far from being complete, but at least with a new chapter at Oakes Children’s Center, I’m one step closer.

The simple side of our programs: Ice-breakers

(Seriously, this is better than a how-to article on ice-breakers)

Best Buddies is always warmly welcomed at the Arc of San Francisco, as we were this Tuesday for our summer-time Bay Area Social. Intern Christina Vanciu was the star of the show as she led three ice-breakers that she designed. If you lead any kind of group (a youth group, a Best Buddies club), or if you work with people with disabilities, here are some lessons to think about how to structure a great meeting, and how to greet your participants’ many different abilities:

Item #1: Ice-breakers are the perfect, simple but structured activity that is essential for keeping your crowd happy. In Best Buddies, you have the ingredients for successful social inclusion (those ingredients are the people, who all want to be there). You need to stir the pot with a good structured activity. 

Item #2: Ice-breakers sound banal – but with a thoughtful crowd, they’re so awesomely creative and fun. Like our friends from the Arc John, Gena, Justin, Charles, Howard, Anna, and Susan, your club members will have amazing attitudes. You’re probably used to being forced to do ice-breakers somewhere you don’t want to be, like a class. But places like the Arc or your Best Buddies club are special. Your club members come to the group with a level of patience, respect, and creativity that means ice-breakers become really interesting.

For instance, I our game “Ha!” might have failed if people weren’t so creative. This is a game you might have played in 6^th grade, where everyone sits in circle and recites sequentially increasing numbers of Has (Person 1: Ha, Person 2: Ha ha...). We had trouble counting, so I suggested counting on our fingers. People used their fingers – way too seriously. Dead silence except for “Haha.” “Hahaha.” I thought the game was a Big Fail. But then: Royenne started signing instead of saying her numbers. John got annoyed and just said however many has he wanted to say. I started giggling, and everybody laughed…

Item #3: The point is to break the rules: If things are mad awkward, you warm it up by being goofy, laughing, and changing the rules. Let other people change the rules, too.

Item #4: Be ready to make your ice-breakers accessible - make your space safe for people to express their needs. I spent hours once on the internet searching for “accessible” ice-breakers for people with disabilities and was depressed by the suggestions that came up for adults in nursing homes. Today I learned that people with disabilities will be the first to make it work. Someone will use sign language, and someone else will say “I need it this way.” We all have the natural inclination to express our own needs and the point of a Best Buddies club is to make it a safe, expressive space that inevitably leads to fun.

Item #5: How to use ice-breakers for the whole year: We’re in Best Buddies for the simple joy of being together, and a simple ice-breaker captures that. Christina has arranged a compilation of ice-breakers so that you can have one, two, or three at all of your meetings for a whole semester. As we learned today, three ice-breakers and snacks can take up a whole hour. Consider having your entire meeting structured with activities – you don’t actually need to include any “free time” because people will naturally chat.

Many thanks to the Arc for hosting us with open arms, as always. And congratulations, Christina, on finishing a great internship.

Christina, our amazing intern!

Clients outside the Arc of San Francisco. John Coulter, center, Buddy Ambassador and in attendance yesterday.