My Great Sick Day at Best Buddies California

By Shelly Helgeson

Last Thursday was a tough one for me.  As we continually are opening new Best Buddies chapters in San Francisco, every day seems busier than the last. But, with a visitor from Best Buddies International keeping us in intense meetings all day and then an evening officer meeting at University of San Francisco on my plate, this day was downright chaotic.  On top of that, I woke up in the morning with my tonsils feeling like they were the size of golf balls and my body temperature about 100 degrees too high.  (Okay, maybe not really that high, but even a slight fever makes me feel delusional so who knows how high my temperature really was.)  Needless to say, I was just hoping to make it through the day.

First up were the expansion strategy meetings.  They are more exciting than they sound, but not by much.  Certainly not exciting enough to make me forget the bubonic plague-like symptoms that were knocking at my door.  I made it through the morning okay, but post-lunch was another story.  I should have learned from watching The Exorcist that split pea soup is just really never a good idea, but somehow in my feverish state, my muddled mind told me mashed-up peas would be the answer to my prayers.  Not so.  Really not so . . .  okay, moving on.

I knew I had to at least keep it together until after my meeting with the new officer corps at University of San Francisco’s (USF) chapter of Best Buddies.  We were meeting at 6:00pm on campus to discuss goals for the upcoming year and to meet the new student leaders.  Buddy Director John Coulter was arriving at our office at 5:30pm and I was to drive him over to campus as well.  Knowing I was responsible for transporting John to the meeting was really what kept me going.  I always enjoy spending time with John.  Kately Bollenbacher, the College Buddy Director at USF told me once last year that, “John is always up for anything.”  As I’ve gotten to know John better in the last year, I’ve found this statement to be entirely true.

Here is a summary of my work with John Coulter last year:

 

Me: John, would you like to speak at our Kick-Off Party?

John: Sure!

Me: John, would you like to attend our Buddy Ambassador Workshop where you will write a speech about yourself and work on your presentation skills?

John: Sure!

Me: Hey John, how do you feel about delivering that speech to an audience of 500 at the Best Buddies Friendship Walk in San Francisco?

John: Sure!

And he did it all with incredible enthusiasm, courage and skill!

John arrived at our office and his same upbeat personality I knew from him last year, lifted my spirits and provided the extra-umph I needed to pull through the evening’s meeting. 

However, this is not to say our evening was easy by any means!  First of all, the San Francisco fog was at its fullest force that night!  In fact, it was blowing so hard and so thick that I could barely see 3 feet in front of me.   I fought through the  city’s evening rush hour traffic with John as my co-pilot, pointing out darkly dressed pedestrians and thrill-seeking motorcyclists so I could do my best to avoid them.  We both screamed with worry as I wriggled the car down one of San Francisco’s infamous steep hills and saw a skate boarder take a hard spill right in front us.  We stopped to ensure he was okay and learning that he hurt nothing but his pride, finally pulled into the USF parking garage.

Arriving fashionably late, John and I slid into our seats and were promptly introduced to the new corps of officers. I was happy to learn that Krisna Tahija, an international student from Indonesia, is the chapter’s new College Buddy Director.  Krisna joined Best Buddies as a freshman at USF last year and was matched with Buddy, John Hammond.  They became fast friends and went on to win Outstanding Buddy Pair of the Year for the entire Bay Area.  John Hammond was at the meeting too.  For the second year in a row, he will serve as Activities Coordinator for the chapter.  Laura, Chelsea and Valeria will round out the USF officer corps (all in positions for the first time) and Katelyn returned to lend advice from what she learned leading USF’s chapter last year.

For the two hours I was at the meeting, I completely forgot that I was sick.  These types of meetings are truly what make all the strategic planning, paperwork and report writing worthwhile.  Talking with this group of energetic and dedicated young adults with and without developmental disabilities is inspiring.  There really isn’t anything quite like a Best Buddies chapter meeting where students with varied abilities come together to focus on their similarities and what they can achieve with their common goals.  I’m so glad that both John Coulter and John Hammond have decided to return in leadership roles with USF Best Buddies.  The insight they provide and the passion they bring to the chapter is unprecedented.  This is going to be a stellar year!

As the meeting adjourned I had the honor of presenting the new and old officers with the official California Outstanding College Chapter award that USF won for the 2010-2011 school year.  This award was originally presented by Anthony Kennedy Shriver at the Best Buddies International Leadership Conference at Indiana University.  John Hammond represented the chapter at the conference and met Anthony.  I humbly stood in Anthony’s stead last Thursday as I presented the award to the officers who could not attend.

On the ride back to John’s house we continued to excitedly talk about the year ahead with Best Buddies.   With so many big ideas circulating, there is a lot to plan and so much to do.  John quickly called his mom to let him know the meeting ran late and not to worry about us maneuvering through the hills in the fog that was now even thicker than the pea soup I forced down for lunch.  He spoke to his mom in Spanish.  (John is bilingual – another talent I was unaware of!)  As I said goodbye to John and pointed my car toward home, I thought to myself, “There is still so much I have to learn from these student leaders. “

Best Practices for Training Volunteers with Students with Disabilities (5 Steps)

 

Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending two amazing meetings with student officers at Vanden High School (Fairfield, CA) and Jesse Bethel High School (Vallejo, CA). Our discussions ranged from Best Buddies Prom to online registrations. For today’s blog, I thought I’d share the part of our conversation I found most exciting: how students can lead a great Abilities Awareness Training.

Let me first explain what an “officer meeting” is, for those less familiar with our programs. A school-based Best Buddies chapter is a group of students and faculty committed to promoting an inclusive student body. “Inclusion” means the full inclusion, not segregation, of students with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD). Because students with IDD often take only special education classes, they have little opportunity to develop relationships with the general student body and suffer great social stigma. Thusly, in a Best Buddies club, students and faculty match a student with IDD in a one-to-one friendship with a neurotypical peer. The students who run the club call themselves the “officer corps.”

Audrey Moore and Kelsey Tigh are the highly motivated, highly organized Chapter Presidents of their respective corps. They asked me to meet with them, as Program Manager, in order to discuss their plans for the coming year. I asked what was on all the officers’ minds:

Joanna from Jesse Bethel High School said she wanted to “improve interactions” between buddies and peer buddies. She sometimes saw buddy pairs interacting with some discomfort: maybe a peer buddy talked over a non-verbal buddy, or sat perfunctorily for lunch, leaving quickly. Such discomforts would naturally arise in a social club like ours, but they’re no reason to not have friendship clubs. Instead, we should work through these problems.

Kelsey Tigh recalled a great dialogue exercise from Leadership Conference worth sharing. The exercise compared a typical dialogue between a Peer Buddy and Buddy, a parent and a child, and two friends on a soccer team. Each dialogue looks like this:

Parent: Hi, sweetie.  How did you do in school today?

Child: Hi.  It was fine.  We worked on math for a while.  What did you do?

Parent: You worked on math?!  Awesome!  Was it really hard?  Do you need help with it?

Child: No, it was fine.  I made you a card today in class.

Parent: Oh my gosh!  You are so cute (hugs child)!  Did you make this all by yourself??  This is the BEST drawing ever!  I’m going to hang it on the fridge!

In the dialogue exercise, two presenters simply replace the titles “Parent and Child” with “Peer buddy and Buddy,” and “Soccer captain and Teammate,” respectively. After the presentation, a facilitator asks the audience perfectly self-evident questions: does the dialogue seem natural and appropriate between two friends? Between a parent and child? Do you ever see interactions like this in your club between a peer buddy and buddy?

The lessons of the presentation are self-evident. The dialogue may raise questions that program managers or chapter presidents are afraid to ask their club members. But these ideas are perfectly appropriate to point out – actually in my opinion as program manager, these questions are essential. 

Furthermore, don’t be afraid that your peer buddies or volunteers won’t understand or might be “threatened” by these questions. Volunteers join clubs like Best Buddies with great intentions and want guidance! Often, as soon as you present the idea of this dialogue to peer buddies, you see their interactions with buddies become far more “normalized.” 

As program manager, I greatly encourage the use of exercises like this in Best Buddies or in any “inclusion-based” club. Exercises like this are a best practice for anyone working with students with and without disabilities.

Learn more about inclusion:

Inclusion.com

Broadreach Training Resources

The Beach Center
Disability Awareness: Do it Right!

Read more about neurotypical:

Checklist of Neurotypical Privilege 
Am I Neurotypical?

5 steps you can take to better train your volunteers:

1) Explore resources by and from people with disabilities. Share their voices with your volunteers.

•  http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com/2009/08/checklist-of-neurotypical-privilege-new.html
• www.iamnorm.org 

2) Do a dialogue exercise like the one featured in this article.
3) Create an anonymous box at the front of your classroom so students and instructional assistants can ask questions or voice discomforts.
4) Share a little about disability history with your volunteers so that they can conceptualize their volunteer work as activism, not “help.” Relate it to racism and sexism!
5) Reach out to professional organizations to do trainings:

• Broadreach Training Resources
• http://www.danceofpartnership.com/ 

- May Tulin, Program Manager, BBCA Bay Area

 

Spotlight on Daniel S. at Equinox

On a recent Saturday evening, Daniel took to the town to eat sushi with his friends. That followed an afternoon of basketball. On another weekend, Daniel rode a tandem bicycle across Westwood with Kyle, his friend and independent living instructor. 

"Daniel stands next to Kyle, his friend and independent living skills instructor, outside of Daniel's job at the Equinox health club in Westwood."

Daniel does all of the things that other 22-year-old’s do. He likes to have friends, a love life and a career. For him, the possibility to carve out his own path in life has not been taken for granted. 

After graduating from the UCLA Pathways program, Daniel came to Best Buddies California hoping for help finding a job. Because Daniel is a very assertive person, he made it known that he wanted a job-ASAP.

In March of 2011, Daniel started working as a front desk attendant at the Equinox, an upscale health club in Westwood. Their company slogan “It’s not fitness. It’s life,” sums up the overall experience members enjoy when choosing a membership there. For Daniel, these words couldn’t be more true.  

Equinox members challenge their bodies with barbells and treadmills. So does Daniel. They pamper themselves with massages and spa treatments. So does Daniel. 

While Daniel is roughly the same as any other 22-year-old, there remains one major difference between him and everyone else. He’s funnier than everyone else. 

Blair Tudas, the Equinox Front Desk Manager, said that Daniel’s sense of humor has been a great addition to the front desk. His affable nature and sardonic humor has rubbed off on the staff and customers.

“He makes everyone laugh. He brings a sense of humor and his bold statements, sometimes unexpectedly at times,” Tudas said laughing. “The customers have gotten to know Daniel and found that he has a funny personality.”  

“I think his humor allows people around him to be at ease,” said Erin Slack, a front desk attendant who works with Daniel. “When you are being silly, it allows other people to be silly around you.” 

While Daniel likes to kid around, don’t be mistaken, he takes his job responsibilities very seriously. In fact, because of Daniel’s professional demeanor, some members of the club have no clue of his talent for comedy.

“He’s very reliable with counting classes and putting together new member packets,” said Tudas. “It’s all quality assurance with Daniel. Customers have gotten to know Daniel and they go to him directly--He’s the go to parking (validation) guy.”

Daniel has earned that honor due to a relentless pursuit to make sure the customer is well served. He is very attentive to the members who check in at the front desk. 

“I’m really proud of what I do. I’ve improved at everything, swiping cards. I’m really good at counting classes. I feel a lot more comfortable here. I really enjoy what I do here,” Daniel said. 

While the Equinox’s members are transforming their bodies through fitness and the power of good health, Daniel is transforming his life by adding more purpose to his life. 

“(Life) is a lot better. I’m a lot happier. It’s nice to have a job. It’s nice to have friends here. It gives me more stuff to do, like take my girlfriend out for a date,” Daniel said.

Daniel and his friends like to go out all over Westwood. He likes having money and going out, just don’t expect him to pick up the tab for you. You are more likely to be karate chopped, according to Daniel.

Back To School With Buy4 and BBCA!

It’s our favorite time of year here at Best Buddies California (BBCA) when we get to “go back to school” with our students, faculty, advisors and parents and recommit to creating important friendships and lasting social change for people with intellectual and development disabilities (IDD). 
 

The beginning of the year brings with it that time honored tradition of back to school shopping; we just got our “school supplies” in the mail today! Whether you’re planning on shopping at Wal-Mart or TARGET, Amazon or Macy’s we hope you’ll think of us and get all of your back to school necessities using our charity partner, Buy4.

Buy4  is an amazing online shopping site with over 1700 of your favorite top name retailers, each of whom donates a percentage of the purchase price back to us.  It’s easy!  All you have to do is go to BBCA’s portal on Buy4 www.buy4.com/bestbuddiesca and join as a member – there’s no cost at all to you!  Everything’s the same with the purchase except that the retailer has agreed to donate a percentage of your purchase price back to us.    

So, whether you need backpacks or books, new school clothes or dorm supplies, please purchase your items through Buy4 and support BBCA in the process. Use Buy4 and tell your friends!  

Enjoy the last days of summer. We’ll see you on campus, at a fundraising event or on facebook soon.

Thank you. 

Andrea Coen

San Francisco Bay Area Director

David's Smile

Three years ago when David Gauthier started his job as a Legislative Intern for Mayor Bob Foster of Long Beach, he had no idea how drastically his life was going to change.  David was used to working in physical jobs, such as a truck driver.  When former First Lady of California Maria Shriver’s We Include Initiative presented the opportunity, David started a new career in the public eye working for Mayor Foster.  Since then, David has been interviewed by local newspapers, coordinated tours of City Hall for elementary schools, spoken at numerous events including Maria Shriver’s Women’s Conference, and he’s been to Washington D.C. with Best Buddies International to lobby for services for people with disabilities.  And he’s done all of this with a smile.  

But, David’s smile wasn’t what he wanted it to be.  David had lost a tooth seven years ago and had lived with that missing tooth, unable financially to complete the very costly dental work required.  Throughout all of his public speaking as a Best Buddies Ambassador, he put any feelings of self-consciousness aside and focused on his message – people with disabilities are valuable people and deserve the same chances as people without disabilities.  But David felt that no matter how professional he looked in his suit and tie, people were always noticing his missing tooth.

David Before his visit to CDHC in Long Beach

Mayor Foster decided to do something about that.  “I knew that David was self-conscious about [the missing tooth] because he had talked about it some,” said Mayor Foster.  He decided to send David to his own dentist.  “I was deeply honored that the Mayor himself took this issue on personally,” David said.  From the Mayor’s dentist, he learned just how extensive and expensive the dental work would be.   “It was a prohibitive amount of money, especially for David,” Mayor Foster explained, who then reached out to a contact at the Children’s Dental Health Clinic (CDHC) in Long Beach.

 

The Children’s Dental Health Clinic serves Greater Long Beach through clinics in Long Beach, Bellflower, and Catalina Island, as well as a Mobile Dental Clinic.  They offer general dentistry as well as specialized dental services and share education to the community about the importance of good oral health.  “The Children’s Dental Health Clinic is an amazing asset for underprivileged and poor families in Long Beach.  They provide an often overlooked service.  People don’t realize the significant impact that dental hygiene plays on health,” Mayor Foster said. “Doctors donate their services.  They show up in emergencies and provide services for free.  The doctors have done a lot for the community that people don’t know about,” Barbara Lieberman-Jones, the Development Director of the CDHC, further explained.  The CDHC is truly a community effort and has been in operation for over 79 years, providing services to more than half a million needy children.

 

Knowing that finances were a barrier for David, Mayor Foster spoke with Barbara at CDHC.  While he was not a child, David clearly needed help.  “We knew that we had to figure out how to help David,” explained Barbara.  “And, if anybody could help, it would be Dr. John Blake.” The Children’s Dental Health Clinic’s Executive Director and Dental Director, Dr. Blake arranged for David to meet a local Long Beach dentist, Dr. Lynn Fasnacht, who has volunteered his services to CDHC for the past 30 years.  “The Children’s Dental Health Clinic was merely a conduit in finding a dentist to help David.  Any recognition should properly go to Dr. Fasnacht,” Dr. Blake told Best Buddies.

Through the introduction from Dr. Blake, David received the dental work that he waited for over seven years to receive.  David received a bridge on his upper teeth as well as additional restorative dental work.  “Dr. Fasnacht is warm and personable and a really good dentist.  His staff is amazing and I can’t say enough about them,” David stated.  “I am humbled and flattered that so many people would take this much interest in me.” Dr. Fasnacht told Best Buddies that he was happy to help David but that he preferred that all attention be directed towards the work that the Children’s Dental Health Clinic is doing for underprivileged children.  “If anyone needs to be thanked for their hard work, it is Dr. John Blake,” said Dr. Fasnacht.

David's new smile

Now that David’s smile is perfected, he’s ready to step in front of an audience again. “I feel normal.  I feel that it will make me a more respected public speaker and advocate for people with disabilities,” David said.  “The next time I get up in front of a crowd and speak from the heart, I won’t feel like people are focusing on my smile.”

To learn more about the services offered by the Children’s Dental Health Clinic, visit their website at http://cdhc.org or call 562-933-3141.  The clinic also has a donation wish list that can be found on their website as well as information on how you can volunteer.